Restroom Offenses: A Few Bad Men

Sometimes Restroom Offenses come in waves.  The other day, I witnessed and took part in several during one visit to the Loo.

Right before a totally unnecessary lunchtime departmental meeting, I headed for the restroom to get rid of some coffee (okay, so it was a non-coffee day, sue me).  One of my coworkers had the same thought, and in spite of my objection, he chose to be my Wingman (offense #1).  Then he proceeded to Pair Up with me by taking the urinal next to me instead of taking Junior (offense #2, but it’s not his fault Junior wasn’t in the middle).

Then we chatted the whole time, as I was lecturing him about the wingman thing and the pairing (offense #3, mea culpa).

Then another dude came in and went for Junior.  Full House.  The nightmare scenario, really.  (I could charge him with an offense of Pairing, but that ship had already sailed.)

Then yet another dude came in and waited for a urinal to free up (offense #4).  Allow me to dwell here a bit.  There is absolutely no excuse for queueing behind a Full House, particularly when there’s an empty stall available.  (Wait, can it be a Full House when Stalls are Available?  Must think on this.  Nomenclature needs defining.)

To add insult to injury, he queued at a closer-than-comfortable distance.  Then he took his turn, faked his handwashing (offense #5), and left.

Did I cause all of this?  I mean, when I recognized that my coworker was going to go all Wingman, I could’ve bailed.  Then there would’ve been no Full House (or Three of a Kind), and no queuing.  Dude still would’ve faked it, though.  But that’s still one offense (and a common one) versus five.  What was I thinking?

I need to compile the Rules and assign them numbers.  In just this list of offenses, I’ve got:

  • No Wingman
  • No Pairing
  • No Chatting
  • No Queuing
  • No Faking

Since this is my first post in several weeks, I’m asking (nay, begging) for some feedback here.  Nobody’s been submitting Oddities or Atrocities.  Do I need to do all the work here?  Lob me something.  Anything.  Please?

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5 comments so far

  1. Wayne on

    You have obviously neglected:
    – no glancing (if you must pair, eyes straight ahead)

  2. Ivy Six-Pack on

    Too many rules for me! We women just all enter the bathroom at the same time, chatting the whole way. And engage people already in the bathroom in conversation. As for the queue – there is always a queue and you have to stand close to all fit in the bathroom. Boys are weird!

  3. Heather on

    The only rule that I understand is #5. The video is most helpful for your female readers. Thanks for posting that!


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