Restroom Outrage: A Rock and a Hard Place, or Zip the Lip!

I know I haven’t posted in a long, long time.  But since my domain lapsed, I just haven’t been able to drum up the passion needed for a solid rant.  But now I’m experiencing outrage, so I’m going with it.

One of the Nine-Hundred-Eighty-Seven Rules of the Men’s Room is “Thou shalt zip thy lip.”  Actually it’s Rules 2 through 987.  Rule 1 is, of course, “Thou shalt not pair up” (the Buffer Urinal Rule).

Ironically, I feel that if you’re going to go in for breaking the Silence Rule, you should pair it with breaking the Pairing Rule.  Why?  For the sake of the dude in the middle.Classical reference here.  Follow the link to be edified.

I’m not sure if I’ve discussed, in the past, the Hot Zone rule, whereby one’s choice of a urinal depends on how recently used your preferred choice was.  Lemme check.  Nope.  Anyway, there’s something yucky about stepping up to a urinal that’s just been flushed.  Because there’s still the Vapor Problem.  (Especially if the guy before you either drinks a lot of coffee or not enough water.)

And this is where you can legitimately take the Middle Urinal (though in a perfect world, it’d be Junior in the Middle).  In which case, you’re forcing everyone who enters after you into pairing with you.  And this is acceptable assuming there are partitions between the Stand-Uppers.

So today I was in that situation.  All right, I admit it, I took the Middle even though someone was at Urinal A.  Partition, though.  I don’t take the Littlun unless it’s the only one available.  Rules are meant to be broken.  Except by other people.

So anyway, I’m in at Urinal B.  And I hear an approaching conversation.  And I know it’s going to be carried into the Smelly Confines.  And it’s a coffee day, so I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.  Sure enough, they carry the conversation in with them, take Urinals A and C, and continue talking through me.  I very much wanted to add some, er, punctuation to their conversation, by way of interrupting and issuing a poot-test protest, but I had no ammo.  Try not to be surprised by this.

Am I wrong here?  I’m fine with a carried conversation, assuming there’s either only one guy at the urinal and the other guy veers off to the sink or something.  But don’t talk through me.  Pairing is required.

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